Session 3: Building Your Self-Esteem
Wednesday, August 5, 2020
During the COVID-19 pandemic, schools throughout Uganda have been closed indefinitely. Students are stuck at home, many with no resources at all to stay connected or continue learning. Community Radio is one of the most effective ways of reaching people in rural areas of developing countries. African Girls Can recommended a three-part program to the local radio station, Q-FM, 94.3 in Lira, which was immediately interested in content to provide hope and encouragement to youth, especially girls.
This is the script for the third program. It was broadcast (and streamed on the internet) in the local language, Luo, and lasted one hour. Once again, the phones were busy at the show’s conclusion!
Moderator (M)
African Girls Can (AGC)
M: Welcome everyone! Joining us again this evening is Madame Jennifer Nyakober, a math teacher and head of the Career and Counseling Department at St. Katherine School. Jennifer represents the organization African Girls Can. With her tonight is Vivian Leah. Vivian is an A-Level graduate from St. Katherine’s and was one of the students supported by African Girls Can.
Madame Jennifer has been on this radio station twice in the last month. Did you hear our programs on Life Challenges and Resiliency and Advocating for Yourself? This time, we are going to talk about Self-Esteem and how you can build this very important characteristic. It is something that will help you your whole life long.
First, please remind us what African Girls Can does.
AGC: African Girls Can was founded in 2016 to promote girls’ education and empowerment. We provide partial scholarships for girls in the Lira area to attend secondary school. These are girls who without this support would have no other opportunity to continue their education. We form a community with these girls and provide activities to help them build their confidence and succeed at school.
M: Thank you. Let’s get started with tonight’s program.
AGC: Today we are going to discuss how to build confidence and how to use and look up to positive role models to be inspired to succeed.
There are things that can get in the way of our dreams and self-esteem, such as peer pressure and media influence.
Today we’re going to talk about how to build up our self-esteem and rise above these kinds of outside influences.
Self-esteem is something that we have to build over time. Self-esteem and confidence go together, and it is made up of the thoughts, feelings, and opinions we have about ourselves. That means self-esteem isn’t fixed. It can change, depending on the way we think.
Over time, habits of negative thinking about ourselves can lower self-esteem. Sometimes, people don’t even realize that they’re thinking so negatively about themselves.
But once you’re aware of it, and know the way you think is up to you, you can begin to change the way you think. And changing the way you THINK about yourself changes the way you FEEL about yourself.
M: Can you tell us what people who have low self-esteem are like?
AGC: Low self-esteem means having a lower opinion of yourself, and feeling inadequate, inferior, or not deserving of good things. People with low self-esteem:
- Focus on the times they fail rather than the times they succeed.
- They feel self-critical and are hard on themselves.
- They feel insecure or inferior.
- They think of themselves as defective or not deserving of good things.
- They expect other people won’t accept them and may allow themselves to be treated badly by others.
- They doubt their ability to do well or succeed at things.
- They think negatively about themselves.
M: Now, how about people with good self-esteem?
AGC: On the other hand, self-esteem means having a good opinion of yourself and feeling good about yourself as a person. And, this is what people with high self-esteem are like.
- They feel valued and accepted by others.
- They feel worthy of being treated with fairness and respect.
- They accept and respect themselves, even when they make mistakes.
- They believe in themselves, even when they don’t succeed at first.
- They see their own good qualities, such as being kind, capable, or fun to be around.
- They take pride in the things they do, like passing a difficult math test or figuring out how to cook.
- They think positively about themselves.
Having self-esteem matters. It can affect almost everything we do.
Self-esteem helps us have good relationships with others, gives us to the confidence to try new things, and helps us succeed.
Low self-esteem holds us back and interferes with our relationships, success, and happiness.
M: Now, how does a person build their self-esteem?
AGC: There are quite a few things you can do to build your self-esteem. While we are especially interested in girls having self-esteem, these approaches can definitely be used for girls and boys, women and men.
Notice the critical things you say to yourself. Would you talk to a best friend like that? A harsh inner voice just tears us down. If you’re in the habit of thinking self-critically, re-train yourself by rewording these negative unkind thoughts into more helpful feedback.
Focus on what goes well for you. Are you so used to focusing on your problems that they’re all you see? Next time you catch yourself dwelling on problems or complaints about yourself or your day, find something positive to counter it.
Each day, write down three good things about yourself, or three things that went well that day because of your action or effort.
Aim for effort rather than perfection. Some people get held back by their own pressure to be perfect. They lose out because they don’t try. If you think “I won’t run for school prefect because I probably won’t get elected,” it’s guaranteed that that role will go to someone else.
View mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept that you will make mistakes. Everyone does. They’re part of learning. Instead of thinking, “I always mess up” remind yourself that it’s not about always, just this specific situation. What can you do differently next time?
Change thoughts that get you feeling inferior. Do you often compare yourself with others and come up feeling less accomplished or less talented? Notice what you’re thinking. Something like: “She’s so much better than I am. I’m no good at netball. I should just stop playing” leads to feeling inferior, not to feeling good about yourself. Remind yourself that everyone excels at different things. Focus on what you do well, and cheer on others for their success. Thinking more like this: “She’s a great basketball player — but the truth is, I’m a better musician than athlete. Still, I’ll keep playing because I enjoy it.” This approach helps you accept yourself and make the best of the situation.
Try new things, and give yourself credit. Experiment with different activities to help you get in touch with your talents. Then take pride in your new skills. Think about the good results. For example: I signed up for drama club and found out that I’m pretty good at acting! These positive thoughts become good opinions of yourself, and add up to self-esteem.
Recognize what you can change and what you can’t. If you realize that you’re unhappy with something about yourself that you can change, start today. If it’s something you can’t change (like your height), work on accepting it. Obsessing about our “flaws” can really skew your opinion of yourself and bring down your self-esteem. Most of the time, other people don’t even notice these things!
Set goals. Think about what you’d like to accomplish. Then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan, and keep track of your progress. Train your inner voice to remind you of what you are accomplishing. For example: “I’ve been following my plan to exercise every day for 45 minutes. I feel good that I’ve kept my promise to myself. I know I can keep it up.”
Take pride in your opinions and ideas. Don’t be afraid to voice them. If someone disagrees, it’s not a reflection on your worth or your intelligence. That person just sees things differently from you.
Accept compliments. When self-esteem is low, it’s easy to overlook the good things people say about us. We don’t believe it when someone says a nice thing. Instead, we think, “…yeah, but I’m not all that great…” and we brush off the compliment. Instead, let yourself absorb a compliment, appreciate it, and take it seriously. Give sincere compliments to other people, too.
Make a contribution. Tutor a classmate who’s having trouble, help clean up your community, participate in a church event, or volunteer your time in some other way. When you can see that what you do makes a difference, it builds your positive opinion of yourself, and makes you feel good. That’s self-esteem.
Exercise! Being active and fit helps you feel good about yourself. You’ll relieve stress, and be healthier, too! This can be as simple as going for a long walk.
Relax and have fun. Do you ever think stuff like “I’d have more friends if I were more attractive”? Thoughts like these can set you on a path to low self-esteem because they focus on what’s not perfect instead of making the best of what is. Spend time with the people you care about, do the things you love, and focus on what’s good. That helps you feel good about yourself, just as you are.
M: Thank you everyone for listening to African Girls Can on the radio and working on your self-esteem!
Please, everyone, stay strong, stay well, stay hopeful!
With gratitude to Girls Livelihood and Mentorship Initiative and its Binti Shupavu program for assistance with this content. Binti Shupavu is a four-year life skills course for lower secondary school girls covering topics such as study skills, personal leadership, health and self-confidence with the goal of increasing graduation rates for vulnerable girls.
